I want to remember the moments when I’m so extremely happy that I stand there smiling like a dork, I want to remember the days that are so very joyful that I never want them to end. The season of life I’m in right now is such a tender and sweet one. It’s one of the most fun journeys and I’m soaking up all of the moments and storing all of the memories away for when I need them. Tons of people have told me that their summer after graduating high school was their favorite summer. So many times this summer so far, I’ve just been overwhelmed by all that God has been doing in my life through this season. It’s kind of hard to put into words all of the emotions that this part of life brings with it. There’s fear, there’s excitement, there’s sadness, there’s joy, there’s worry, there’s pain, there’s peace, there’s wariness, there’s happiness. So many feelings that don’t really make sense together but they’re here and some days only some of them come but somedays they all do. This season of life is one of transition and change. Change is good, I know that, God uses change to change and use us, I know that He is good and that’s why I am trusting that this transition will be good all the way…even if it is hard. College is scary and different but I know that Jesus is going to be right beside me the whole time, The Holy Spirit within me, whispering words of comfort and peace over me. Hebrews 13:8 I think says it the best;
“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever”
Though my life is rapidly changing, He never does. Though my life doesn’t make a lot of sense, He does. Though I’m scared and sad and excited and so many different emotions in this stage, He never changes. Though I will probably fail Him more times than I can predict in just this little season, He will never ever fail me. I think a lot of times I get so lost in fear that I forget that God does indeed have all of my life under control. He holds my every moment, the good ones, the bad ones, and the ones that are just mediocre. He is right beside me through the things that make sense and the things that make absolutely none.
Throughout all of my life, through all of the different seasons and stages, God finds a way to teach me just what I need to know in just the stage that I need to hear it. Right now is this simple word. Trust. Trust that He has a plan, trust that it is good, trust that He isn’t finished with me yet and that He is working, trust that through every season, He is always with me. Throughout the hard season that I’ve been walking through in the last year, I’ve had to just put all of my fears aside and trust who God is, trust that every trial, every valley was good for me and in that trusting of Him, I was able to see more of who God is. A thing like trust is such a simple thing. I remember back in March or April, we had a campfire at youth group one night and we all went around and thought about our years’ with God. We were then told to think about where we wanted to be at that time next year. I said one of the most simple phrases but one that has continually come back to me and still kicks me when I forget to trust, that night I said,”I want to trust God more” it’s crazy how something so simple becomes such a real part of your walk.
1 My son, do not forget my teaching, but let your heart keep my commandments, 2 for length of days and years of life and peace they will add to you. 3 Let not steadfast love and faithfulness forsake you; bind them around your neck; write them on the tablet of your heart. 4 So you will find favor and good success in the sight of God and man. 5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. 6 In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. 7 Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD, and turn away from evil. 8 It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones. Proverbs 3:1-8
Sometimes I just sit here and dwell on this passage because sometimes, in life nothing makes sense and we can no longer lean on our own strength or understanding and good thing because we don’t have to. The Holy Spirit has just been washing me with peace and trust in the last couple of months, because I’m about to do completely scary things and some days it gets to me more than others. But I can rest in knowing that when I do trust in the maker of the universe, I no longer have to rely on my own understanding. I’m so thankful that I have such a bigger than life God to put my trust in. I’ve found that trust doesn’t just come, I didn’t just say, “I want to trust God more” and it happened. Not at all actually. I wish I could say that it was some instantaneous feeling of complete trust. It has taken a ton of prayer and studying and stillness with God, and still I am not capable of trusting Him completely. I don’t know if God has put hard things in my life so that I grow closer to Him or if He just allows those things to happen because sin entered the world but I do know that I can absolutely trust that whatever the reason for hard seasons, God has been and will be beside me in every season.