Brokenness, Jesus, Grace, and Redemption

For from His fullness we have all received, grace upon grace

I’ve found myself in the middle of this period of anger, frustration, irritability, and fragility. and honestly I really struggled writing this because it made me feel dirty, it made me feel broken. I’ve always been afraid of negative emotions both toward me and feeling them myself (fear, anger, regret, bitterness, resentfulness, grudges etc.) but I found myself feeling all of the things I hate. I let myself be sinful and resentful and angry. But that’s where I found Jesus.

Jesus meets us right in our brokenness, our anger, our frustration, our dirtiness, and our sin. He met me there and I found myself in need of grace.

Nothing reminds me of my brokenness like when I’m in the midst of being angry, being resentful, being frustrated and then Jesus comes along, reminding me of His selfless and all-compassing love. Then He redeems, He shows grace. He’s always offering us grace long before we know we need it or are willing to accept it. That’s something amazing that I know I’m too broken to understand. Too good to be of me.

As Jesus and I were having a heart to heart about all of this, I looked up the definition of redemption and what a beautiful concept–“to compensate for the faults or bad aspects of (something)” or “to save someone from sin, error or evil.” or “to buy back.” Christ compensates for our missteps and failures everyday just as He compensated for us on the cross. He paid for the debt we couldn’t afford and He paid it knowing he’d have to pay over and over. We’re impoverished in our sin. The recognition of this broke my heart, it broke my anger, my frustration and it allowed me to take a step back.

Thankfully Jesus provides enough grace to cover my sin and the places where I need to forgive. And that’s grace…love toward me, and you, those undeserving of His love.

In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of His grace {Ephesians 1:7}

I’ve written before about how I have this habit of putting people in higher esteem than the Lord. And I find that every time I recognize myself in that same sin pattern, I see grace as less sufficient, I see Jesus as less sufficient because there I am in need of it again. But no matter how many times I find myself searching for perfection in the wrong place, no matter how many times relationships hurt me, no matter how many sins I commit, I need to learn to remember the grace and the providence that the Lord provides doesn’t diminish based on the number of times I need it. Rather, His grace covers all. Grace upon grace (John 1:16).

On that same note, grace doesn’t give us permission to keep living in sin, part of being in Jesus is separating ourselves from the former, the things that kept us in bondage of sin. And that should be our goal and our desire too. To no longer live in bondage. Anger is bondage, fear is bondage, worry is bondage, resentment is bondage, unresolved sin is bondage. But Jesus offers release. He offers redemption. He offers grace.

For sin shall no longer be your master, because you are not under the law, but under grace. {Romans 6:14}

Bottom line is, I need grace. I need grace more than I can imagine. and I need a grace that only the Lord can offer.

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