The Real Story of Waiting: Jesus is Enough

So, several months ago, I published a post entitled, Waiting: For Graduation, For Marriage, For Motherhood, For Anything but This. And I want to take it back. Not because Jesus isn’t enough or because God doesn’t keep His promises like I challenged followers of Jesus Christ to remember. But because, I’ve been waiting for, and have asked you to wait for things that were never promised to me and never promised to you. I gave you my version of the story, not the real story.

And thus Abraham, having patiently waited, obtained the promise. {Hebrews 6:15}

Abraham’s story is one of waiting for God to fulfill the promise that God made to Him. My waiting has been waiting for God to fulfill the promise I made for myself. The promise I made to myself when I was a little girl, the frilly yet realistic story, to one day get married, (be the best wife of course), buy a cute house, and have a few children (all of which already had names picked out naturally), and live happily ever after with no major hiccups in that sequence. I’ve lived my life projecting that desire, that plan, that dream, upon God. I’ve made it out to look like God wasn’t fulfilling His promise to me, because there’s no husband, no house, no kids, no promised life to prove for it. I’ve missed it. I’ve missed the point. Because God always fulfills His promises. These things weren’t a promise to me.

This is the most painful truth I’ve come to know.

I might never live this story I wrote for myself, I might never live the life I most desire. And I have to learn to be okay with that. With the one thing I’ve desired, prepared for, prayed for, sought after, waited for, simply not being. With the enough-ness of Jesus just being enough. With the belief that in my singleness, I am just as blessed and chosen by my God as the woman who is living the very life of being a wife and a mother that my heart so longs for. And this hurts. But I’ve spent my whole life dreaming up a plan that wasn’t mine to ask for, I’ve spent my whole life relying on a promise that was never promised to me. And all I’ve done is create confusion, hurt, discontentment, and disappointment in my heart, because that story hasn’t started, and I’ve let myself be angry at God for it. The real story He has for me, may look drastically different than my story. But, I have to trust that it still has to be good, and that Jesus still has to be enough.

I’ve been reading a book, and this book has not only challenged me to basically write a rebuttal to my own blog post, but has changed the way I see the entirety of my life really. Because I was letting my desire for marriage, and family, and that life, be first in my heart, for 20 years I’ve done that. But I stared at these particular words, this particular question for what seemed like hours,

“When you get to the point where Jesus is enough, is it that your battle with being single is hard, hard, hard, then Jesus is enough and then hard, hard, hard? Or can you get to a point where Jesus is simply just enough?” {I Don’t Wait Anymore by Grace Thornton}

I read it and reread it until I actually understood the real question behind the ink: “Kaylyn, am I enough for you?” And truth is, I pushed that question back in the recesses of my hurt and my disappointment. Because all this time, I’ve been letting the hurt and the difficulty of my battle with being single, overshadow the enough-ness that is Jesus. That question has been settling into my heart over the last few days and I can’t shake it. There has to be a point where Jesus is just enough. That I don’t feel the hurt of what I’m missing, because I truly believe that I’m not missing anything. That’s hard. It’s grueling work. And it’s left me strangled for breath today. Because I’ve let myself settle in that promise I made to myself years ago, for way too long. I settled in, believing that this was just a time of waiting, that God gave me desires for marriage and for intimacy and to be a mother, because He planned to give me a husband and children and all of those frilly details at some point along the way. But that’s just not it. It’s just not what I was promised. I had myself fully convinced that marriage was 100% in my future, that a full house of children was 100% in my future, that the happiest and fullest life for me was 100% in those things. Not Jesus. That’s just not it. It’s Jesus. It’s Jesus. It’s Jesus. Jesus has to be it. In my heart, He has to be it.

For he satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things. {Psalm 107:9}

My future is just one big, blurry mess to me. Maybe it includes marriage, maybe it doesn’t. Maybe it includes children, maybe it doesn’t. Maybe it includes living here, or maybe it doesn’t. But whatever it includes, Jesus is first, He has to be. Because I’m not waiting for graduation, or for marriage, or for motherhood, or for anything else–Jesus is my promise, Jesus is enough. And to Him, I’ll hold on, and I pray you do too.

One thought on “The Real Story of Waiting: Jesus is Enough

  1. Taylor Battle says:

    Kaylyn, this post demonstrates the struggle of waiting but also the beauty in the growth of the season of life you are in. I am so proud to read these words. Thank you for the great reminder of keeping Jesus as the first priority because He alone is enough. Well done sweet friend! Praying you continue to hold those words close to your heart.

    Liked by 1 person

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